"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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