I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
