"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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