just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
