I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
