I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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