We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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