watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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