the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize