it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
