a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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