I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
