i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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