well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
