I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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