the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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