I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
