she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
