Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
