I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
