remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize