You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
