How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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