Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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