I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
