this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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