Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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