Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
