I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
