How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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