Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
