and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
