4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
