Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
