woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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