is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
