When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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