i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
