U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize