so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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