i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
