I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
