Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
