I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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