I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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