True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
