How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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