So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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