peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
