All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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