I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
