It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
