I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
