I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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