I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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