something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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