my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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