coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
