he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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