Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i came on her dog
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
