Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
