It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
