oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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