you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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