Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
