I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
