Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
