Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
