she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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