new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In America we eat man semen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
