Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
