I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
