I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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